Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Look Back In Anger


He dimmed the lights and turned to face her. The shadows playing on his chiselled countenance temporarily morphed his attractive smile into a leer, which immediately transmuted back into his usual, wicked grin that always warmed her fluttering heart as he took a confident step closer. Random memories swam into her mind, a chaotic, bubbling whirlpool of excitement, nervousness, and anticipation.


"So..you guys going out to dinner?" Deepika had always been interested in their plans. Sometimes Saakshi thought it was flattering that her romantic inclinations aroused so much interest in her friends. They were very unlike her. Decisive, impressive, efficient, almost bohemian in their intellect. And mature. Very mature.


Sometimes she thought the fact that they expected straight answers from her about Rahul was invasive.


"I know I've made mistakes before. But everyone's been taken for a ride at some point of time in their lives, right?" She'd said to Faisal. "Why act like I'm not mature enough to take my own decisions? I'm your age, and I'm just as smart as any of you." "Dude. Yeah. Of course. Dude. I mean..." He looked worried, and glanced at Deepika for help, which was not forthcoming. "...We're not questioning you. Just generally interested..dont mind us.." It wasn't in the least convincing, even to Saakshi. He attempted to look like he believed what he was saying. "We trust you and your judgement. But its nice to know...you know...um..." His hesitating voice teetered into silence as Saakshi stood up and walked away. She stopped at the door, though. "Thanks for all the concern, Faisal bhai. But I can take care of myself. So maybe its about time you two stopped mollycoddling me." She turned and slammed the door, shutting in two concerned faces.


"Um, have you shut the door?" She managed. "I think you ought to go." Her limbs were all suddenly unanimous. He said nothing, merely watching her, and then he took another step towards her. He was still smiling. Her tongue felt like lead and moved with difficulty,and her words were slightly slurred. Her legs felt like lead, too. She wasn't sure if they were still attached to her. Her arms were weighed down on either side of her, and she was reminded of the time in the gym, where they had first met, 6 months ago.


She'd tried to lift wieghts, and he stopped her. "They're too heavy for you, ma'am. Try these.", he'd said, handing her a smaller pair. He'd smiled that same magnetic smile and she returned it, feeling the familiar adrenalin rush that accompanied every hopeful initiative she'd ever taken towards a man she was attracted to.


He grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her down gently, but firmly, on the bed, and then continued to watch her. She wondered at how easily her legs gave way beneath her, vaguely contemplating on whether she'd had too much to drink. Then she realised she couldn't remember what it was she'd drunk. She racked her brains.


"Saaku, I know you dont appreciate advice from us." Deepika's voice quavered over the phone. "And I know we cant tell you what to do. But please,please be careful. You know you dont have a very good capacity for alcohol. You dont want to be sick halfway through your date,do you?"


"I do feel sick. Had I listened?" She wondered, strangely aloof. She couldn't remember. The way Rahul kept watching her was disconcerting. She stretched her lips in a feeble smile, which he did not reciprocate. "This is awkward!" She said, hoping to inject levity into the almost solid atmosphere. Then she realised she hadn't said it. She couldn't. She tried to suppress the panic clawing at her heart when it dawned on her that the only thing she could do was blink. She slumped back against the headboard of the bed, her mind ravaged with fear and apprehension. "Can Rahul see what is happening to me? Why isn't he calling an ambulance? Why is he smiling? Why is he -"


He pushed her back till she was completely horizontal, slowly, with an almost religious sanctity, divesting her of her clothing, one layer at a time. She was screaming inside her head, her desperate brain writhing, praying in agony as the horrifying truth engulfed her. In the clutches of utter defencelessness, her motor functions had given up for some indiscernable reason, and her limbs lay prone on the bed, as though they didn't belong to her at all, because her limbs ought to have been thrashing, pushing, scratching, hurting, getting her away. She wanted to scream herself hoarse,and instead, thought as loudly as she could, hoping with all the strength she could muster for the heroic arrival of miraculous help.


"Are you sure about this, Saakshi? Have you let him in before when noone else is at home?" Faisal seemed determined to thresh this out, even though his face betrayed hesitation. "Im certain, okay?" She wondered why she was being defensive. It was her life, after all. "Im certain. We'll just grab some coffee at my place, we're eating dinner out.Relax, Faisal bhai."


His tense face muscles relaxed as he became certain of the effect of the Rohypnol. His actions became more leisurely but just as purposive as before, and she thought she would faint from the pain as he caressed and fondled and bit and scratched her and pinned her to the bed, as though that was necessary, and effected a penetration. Then she wished she would faint, but didn't.


"um..you two haven't..you know..um.." The concern on Deepika's face seemed facetious. It annoyed her. "No, of course not, Im not ready yet." She'd said quickly. And truthfully.


"Is this truly happening?" The pain was distracting. Rahul's quick efficiency was terrifying, as though he'd done this before, or had been planning this for a long time. She'd known him for a long time.Maybe she should've agreed to this earlier. She shouldn't have been such a prude. Was this her fault? She'd trusted him. Her boyfriend? These things dont happ- but.. these things do happen. Desperation, panic, fear. The world slowly dissolved out of focus as the fingers of unconsciousness gripped her mind.


Though people tend to assume otherwise, rape by a stranger is the least common form of sexual assault, the most common being rape by an acquaintance or friend. Rapes by a steady dating partner occupy the highest position on UN survey rape charts, with a frequency of 21.6%, while rapes by a casual friend or an ex-boyfriend occur at the frequencies of 16.5% and 12.2% respectively. What these numbers mean is that every young woman is at risk, no matter who shes with. What they mean is that you can never be too careful. Date rape, or drug facilitated sexual assault, is the fastest growing means to rape in developing and developed countries alike.Quoting from The Hindu: "Date rape drugs, also known as "predatory drugs" or "club drugs", are particularly dangerous when combined with alcohol. (Every year, an estimated 70,000 college students, most of them women, are victims of alcohol-related rape or sexual assault.) Common date rape drugs include Rohypnol, Ketamine, and GHB, a central nervous system sedative also known as "Liquid Ecstasy"...Here's how it usually happens: A college student goes to a bar with some of her friends. While she visits the restroom, the guy she's been talking to unobtrusively slips a colourless, tasteless, odourless substance into her drink. Sipping her beverage, she has no idea that she will soon be impaired and defenceless. Her "date" invites her back to his place, where she slips into a drugged sleep from which she cannot rouse herself even as she is being raped. In the morning, she may or may not remember what happened."


Its a cruel world, especially for young women. Be aware, not only because you should, but mostly because today, you've got no choice.


Check out these sites for more info:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_rape


http://www.hinduonnet.com/mag/2003/02/02/stories/2003020200120400.htm